To Break and Heal
by FrostofThunder
Summary: Kakashi learns it's okay to break. All you have to do then is heal and when you heal, your friends are with you all the way. .:Contains rape/torture/language/yaoi:.
1. Breaking

Something very different from what I normally write.

**WARNING: torture and rape. **

- - - - - - - - - - -

**To Break and Heal**

**To Break**

Kakashi screamed as the burning sensation went through his body. He never wanted someone to kill him like he did now. All he could feel was pain and the cold floor, on which he laid. He could feel Orochimaru's cold eyes on him. He knew the man was a sadist, but this was insane. He was insane. If he could break Kakashi, a man as hard as rock when it came to torture, then he truly did things no sane man would do. This man had no soul.

"Had enough, Kakashi?"he asked, a sickly grin on his face. Kakashi breathed heavily on the floor. Even though Orochimaru had been able to break Kakashi, he still didn't spill any secrets. His loyalty to the village was stronger then anything. Kakashi would never give anything to this man, even if he got every limb ripped off.

"You're quite stubborn, even though I have preformed some off my most painful tortures, you still won't talk. Perhaps, I must take further measures," he said. Kakashi couldn't lie, he was afraid. Further measures? What the hell did that mean? He felt himself get pulled onto his back. His eyes widened as he saw Orochimaru on top of him.

"Perhaps, I must break you more," Orochimaru said as his snake-like tongue licked Kakashi's cheek. Kakashi squirmed under it, but he had no strength to do anything to protect himself. He felt Orochimaru reach into his pants.

He knew.

He knew what was happening here.

He closed his eyes tightly, he want to stop this, but he was so weak. The torture from just moments before took so much out of him. He let out a whimper when Orochimaru entered him.

"This doesn't have to last long, just tell me what I want to know."

Kakashi said nothing. Orochimaru frowned and took his time pleasuring himself with Kakashi, his toy. He clawed at Kakashi, adding to the many scars.

"For hating this, you're so easy," Orochimaru said as he moved in and out simply. Kakashi bite his lip, he hated himself. He hated this. He couldn't even put up a simple fight. He felt like snakes were slithering up his body and choking him. He was beginning to sweat, he wanted to die. Orochimaru took his face into his hands and made him look at him.

"You belong to me now," the sick man said. He bent down and bite the side of Kakashi's neck.

Like fire.

Kakashi felt as if he was engulfed in fire. He hadn't even realized that the one screaming was himself. Orochimaru watched as the Hell Curse Mark formed. A wide grin formed on his face. He stood up and fixed himself up. Suddenly, the wall burst and smoke filled the room. Orochimaru narrowed his eyes as he looked at a familiar face, but soon the sick smile returned.

"Why hello, Jiraiya," he said as he looked at the man. Jiraiya glanced down at Kakashi and then looked at Orochimaru. Orochimaru waved a hand and turned around.

"You can take him, I'm done with him." He began to walk away.

"You fucking bastard!" Jiraiya shouted as he started to form seals.

"A fight between me and you would last pretty long, no? By the looks of it Kakashi doesn't have 'pretty long'," he said. Jiraiya stopped and took another look at Kakashi, who was bleeding heavily on the floor and gasping for breath.

"Go head, I no longer have a need for him."

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, but the quickly picked up Kakashi and ran away from this terrible place. Orochimaru only watched and smiled.

Jiraiya ran for a few minutes and then placed Kakashi down and rapped him in his jacket. He gave him first aid, for it was all he could do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When Kakashi woke up, he felt sore all over. When he opened his eyes he saw a white ceiling. His eyes widened and he sat up quickly, soon regretting doing so. He whole body tensed up in pain.

"Hey, hey, take it easy." he heard a voice say. When the pain went away he looked up and saw Asuma standing over him.

"Asuma?"

"Hey, how ya feelin'?" he asked as he took a seat on the side of the bed.

"I'm....broken," was the reply he got. Asuma frowned.

"Kakashi, look at me," Asuma said and Kakashi looked up. "You were tortured and.......raped," he said and Kakashi looked away. "Look at me Kakashi." He said, he waited until Kakashi's eyes meet his again. "Jiraiya told only me and my father what happened to you. Kakashi, you were tortured by one of the sickest man, he's not even a man, on the earth and you're alive. If this was any other shinobi, they'd be begging him to have killed them."

"I wanted to die," Kakashi said.

"But did you beg him? Did you ask him to end your misery?"

Kakashi shook his head.

"You're very strong Kakashi, if I didn't know what happened, I won't be able to tell. You're sitting here like it never happened. I'll say it again, you're very strong, but you're not invincible. You broke, so now it's time to heal." Kakashi looked up at Asuma, who had a small smile on his face. "Unlike breaking, you have friends there to help you heal." As if on cue, the door opened and Gai, Kurenai, and Iruka walked in. All asking how he felt and when he'd be released. The small group was there for a couple of hours, just chatting, until the nurse ushered them out telling them visiting times were over and Kakashi need his rest. As the others left Asuma stayed behind to tel Kakashi one last thing.

"You're not alone Kakashi," Asuma said as he bent down and hugged Kakashi, "No matter how much you might avoid and ignore us, we'll always be behind making sure you're okay, lil bro."

Kakashi felt tears stinging his eyes and he laughed.

"Yeah, I'll remember that when I'm pulling you're ass out of the way of a flying kunai!"

"Oi! That was only once and I thought we agreed to never talk about that!"

The two men laughed.

"See ya tomorrow," Asuma said as the nurse began to usher him out as well.

"See ya."

"You have really great friends," a voice said from the window once the nurse left the room.

"Yeah, I do," Kakashi said. Jiraiya smiled at the boy, he could tell that the healing has begun.

"Get some rest, they'll be all over you tomorrow. Gai has been saying you owe him a challenge," Jiraiya said as he was about to leap off the windowsill but stopped when he heard his name.

"Jiraiya..."

"Hn?"

"......thank you, for saving me," Kakashi said.

"Heh, no problem. Heal up and don't push yourself, okay?"

"Okay."

Jiraiya leaped down from the hospital window and Kakashi laid down. He fell into a peaceful sleep, filled with dreams of him and his friends.

A smile crept onto his peaceful, sleeping face.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Heading Out

**Heading Out**

Kakashi fingered the only area that was still bandaged, his neck. He hesitated outside of the Hokage's office with his hand on the doorknob. He felt strangely nervous to go in. He wasn't sure if it was just the side effects of what happened the week before or if he was nervous what the Hokage might do. He wasn't sure. The door suddenly opened and Jiraiya faced him.

"How long you gonna stand out here?" he asked as he moved aside for Kakashi to enter. The hand that was fingering his neck went up to scratch his head.

"Sorry," he said and walked in. The Hokage smiled warmly at him.

"Kakashi, how are you?" he asked.

"Alright, I guess."

The Hokage studied Kakashi's figure. _'To have been through such a scarring, traumatic event, he's able to stand in front of me as if it never happened.' _

"Kakashi, I understand if you would like to take a few days off, if it would help your recovery."

"Hokage-sama, I have already spent a week in the hospital, I'm fine to be sent on missions."

Silence lingered in the room. The Hokage shut his eyes and sighed.

"Kakashi, that mark on your neck is not a scar. It's a Curse Mark. Do you know what that is?"

Kakashi shook his head. The Hokage stood up and walked over to the window that looked over Konoha.

"The Curse Mark is one of Orochimaru's experiments. When a person is applied with it, the survival rate is 10%, where their body either accepts or rejects the seal. This seal forcefully draw chakra from a user's body, giving them increased physical abilities. Even if the power might be good, there is a price to pay. While the seal is active, the user's mind slowly corrodes, that's where Orochimaru begins to take advantage," the Hokage stated.

Kakashi's hand went up automatically to the side of his neck. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Would he turn into a puppet for Orochimaru? Would he end up being that bastard's ally? He was brought out of his thoughts when the Hokage spoke once more.

"I don't believe that will happen to you, though. You are an amazing person Kakashi and I can't see you being taken down by this mark so easily. I want you to rest for about another week. Jiraiya is here to keep and eye on you, alright?"

Kakashi, still a little dazed by everything he learned today, shook his head. Jiraiya walked up to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Asuma blew out a puff of smoke. He was glad to see Kakashi in higher spirits and he knew today he got released from the hospital. He pushed himself off the railing of the bridge and headed towards Kakashi's apartment, only to run in to him on the way there.

"Hey, Kakashi, Jiraiya," he greeted as he sped up to catch up with him. His forehead creased when he saw the looked on Kakashi's face. Was that worry?

"Everything alright?"

Kakashi looked up at Asuma.

"We need to talk," he said.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"A curse mark?" Asuma said.

Kakashi nodded his head.

"It's one of Orochimaru's discoveries." Jiraiya said.

Asuma looked at Kakashi and smiled. "Well, it's nothing you can't handle."

"Asuma...."

"Kakashi, remember what I said? We're here to help. Now get some rest, it looks like Gai had you run around the village with him," Asuma said as he pointed a finger at Kakashi. He was right, Kakashi was exhausted, he hadn't gotten much sleep that night.

"Heh, alright."

Jiraiya was sleeping on Kakashi's couch when he heard a strangled scream. He shot up and ran into Kakashi's room. Kakashi was sitting up covered in sweat. He was clutching the side of his neck and the strange pattern over the left side of his face didn't go unnoticed.

'_I have to use this already?_' Jiraiya said as he pulled out a slip from his back pocket. The Hokage had given him temporary seals incase something like this happened. Jiraiya tore off the bandages and saw the mark. (I looks exactly like Kakashi's mangekyou sharingan) He slammed the seal down and waited. Soon the marks subsided and Kakashi was left panting. Jiraiya laid Kakashi back down on the bed. He left and got his blanket and pillow from the couch. He laid down on the floor next to Kakashi's bed and soon fell asleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"I see," The Hokage said.

"What should we do?" Jiraiya said. That morning he went straight the Hokage to tell him about the incident last night.

"I want you to take him with you, train him. Keep him occupied," The Hokage looked up.

"Very well," Jiraiya said, he was stopped when the Hokage called after him.

"There is, one other thing you should do," he said with a smile.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Why do you smoke around me? You know I hate it," Kakashi said as he waved his hand in front of his face, trying to rid the smell of cigarette smoke.

"I do it on purpose," Asuma said with a grin. He ignored Kakashi's scowl, "So why do you think Jiraiya wanted to meet use?"

"Well, do to the request with bring clothes and other stuff, I'd say a mission," Kakashi said as he looked at his backpack.

"My dad said it was training."

"Then why did you ask if you knew?"

"Wanted to see what you said. You gotta get your mind off missions kid."

Jiraiya appeared in front of them in a puff of smoke.

"Glad to see you two ready to go!" Jiraiya said. "Well, lets get going!" he began to walk away.

"Um, Jiraiya, where are we going?" Kakashi asked as he jogged to catch up with him, Asuma next to him.

"Heh, who knows," was the reply.

Kakashi and Asuma looked at each other. Asuma bent close to Kakashi and whispered into Kakashi's ear.

"I don't like the sound of that."

**To Be Continued...**

Curse Seal info. From Wikipedia.


	3. When's the Training?

**When's the Training? **

"If anyone asks, we don't know him," Kakashi said putting the bottom of his face into the hot springs. Asuma looked where he was and knew what he meant. Jiraiya was peeking over the divider wall.

"Poor girls," he said. He inched closer to Kakashi and whispered in his ear. "1,000 ryo says he gets caught!"

"No way, I don't gamble."

"Uh, no fun," Asuma said as he took another look around. "Hey."

"What? Why are you so close?"

"How's that bandage staying on?" Asuma asked as he motioned to the bandage that hid Kakashi's curse mark.

"There's chakra running through it so it would stay on."

"Ah, hey, why do you think the other guys are keeping their distance from us?" Asuma asked. It was true, every other guy in the hot spring kept we away from them, and were defiantly watching them.

"Beats me. You like asking me questions don't you?" Kakashi said as he closed his eyes. '_Some training this is.'_

"Well, I'm gonna ask."

Asuma turned around.

"Oi! Why are you guys keeping your distance from us?" he asked the group of men.

"Maybe they know were ninja," Kakashi whispered into Asuma's ear. One of the men walked foward.

"Heh, well, you see, we're not, um, really used to have a gay couple here," the man said.

Dot.

Dot.

Dot.

"GAY?!?!" Asuma and Kakashi shouted. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?!"

"Well, you're all over each is one thing," he said.

Asuma looked at Kakashi, they were really close, but that was only because they were whispering to each other. He pushed Kakashi away, causing him to go under the hot spring.

"I'll have you know I have a lady waiting for me at home!" Asuma said. Kakashi pulled his head out of the water.

"A lady? What lady?" he said as he got up.

"No of your business!"

"Well, if you're going out with someone I think I should know!"

"Why?! It's my own private business!"

"Private?! You tell me everything! I'm like your human journal!"

"Why you little..."

And so they fought and all the other men scrambled out of there.

"Alright that's enough," Jiraiya said as he pulled the two apart. They looked up at him and saw a big, red bump on his head. He defiantly got hit with something.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Now they sat in a bar.

"Kill me now," Kakashi said.

"Please, if anything I'm killing myself first."

"You two need to loosen up, come on, have a drink," Jiraiya said, his face flushed.

"We're underage," Kakashi said.

"Really? How old are you again?"

"Kakashi's 19 and I'm 20," Asuma said. "The drinking age is 21."

"Ah well," Jiraiya said as he got up and went to a group of girls. Kakashi watched him. A girl soon smacked him in the face. Kakashi sighed and got up.

"Where're you going?"

"To get some fresh air," he said and walked out. Kakashi sat out there for the rest of the night, but soon Asuma came out carrying a very drunk Jiraiya. The two literally dragged the man home.

Kakashi flopped down onto a futon after dropping Jiraiya in the middle of the floor.

"Not for nothing, but he weighs a ton," Asuma said as he took a seat. "Now what?"

"Now what? We stay inside, half the people out there think were gay and/or drunks," Kakashi said as he striped his clothes. "I wanna get out of here as fast as possible in the morning." Asuma too began to strip. When they were ready for bed Kakashi got in and Asuma sat up to take one last look at Jiraiya.

"What about him?" he asked.

"Just leave him there," Kakashi said from under the covers. Asuma shrugged and laid down to got to sleep. The room was soon filled with Jiraiya's noisy snores. Kakashi brought the covers completely over his head and mumbled, "I'm gonna kill him."

Asuma laughed.

- - - - - - - - - - -

The next morning was dreadful. The shadows under Kakashi's and Asuma's eyes didn't go unnoticed and Jiraiya had a hangover. It was amazing the three could even walk.

"Asuma, if we come across a ragging river, I want you to push me in," Kakashi said as they followed Asuma out of the town.

"Come on it wasn't that bad."

Kakashi glared at him.

"Okay, so it was _really _bad, but cheer up. Maybe we'll start training soon!"

"You think that thing can train us," Kakashi said pointing to Jiraiya who was swaying back and forth, "in the conditions he's in. Why am I even here? I don't need training."

"Kakashi," Asuma put his arm around Kakashi, "we're talking about training from a sannin."

"A drunken, pervy one."

"True, but a sannin nonetheless."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You'll see, soon you'll be wishing you were in that hot spring relaxing when we start training!"

**To Be Continued... **

This chapter reminds me of when Jiraiya and Naruto went to that town and meet up with Itachi and Kisame. I figured that out after I wrote this, my subconscious probably was taking ideas from that without me even knowing it.


	4. Final Decisions

**Final Decisions**

'_I wish I was in a hot spring right now. Better not tell Asuma I said that.' _thought Kakashi as he hid behind a rock. Jiraiya was serious about this training. The man wasn't holding back. He sat there and wondered what happened to Asuma. Last time he saw him, Jiraiya had pinned him to a tree. That was when he decided to just abandon the fool. Of course if Asuma hadn't left him under a toad he might've helped the guy. After almost getting crushed by a toad it was all taijutsu so he couldn't do anything flashy, as Jiraiya had said. He wasn't even allowed to use his sharingan! Kakashi wanted to stop, they've been at it for three hours and it was getting dark. Not only that, his neck was burning. He stood up from where he sat and walked out to the clearing.

"Oi! Jiraiya-sama! Can we call it quits?" Kakashi asked as he looked around, rubbing his neck. From Jiraiya's seat on a branch he saw Kakashi's action. He jumped down and walked up to him.

"Is it bothering you?" He asked.

"It's burning."

"Alright, we'll take a break." Jiraiya said.

"Where's Asuma?" Kakashi asked looking around.

"Hm, Oh yeah," Jiraiya waved his hand and a toad appeared out from the forest. It opened its mouth and spit out a much disheveled Asuma onto the dirt.

"That's………just gross," Kakashi said pointing to the lump.

"I've been violated." Asuma moaned. Kakashi squatted down next to Asuma and picked up a stick.

"You wanna hurry up? We'll leave you behind."

"Hey! I was just in the mouth of a toad for 20 minutes!" Asuma shouted. "And stop poking me!" He swatted Kakashi's stick and stood up, Kakashi followed.

Kakashi began rubbing his neck and then a grin appeared. "There's a lake nearby. If you want I'll gladly shove you in."

"Why you little –"

"Hey, hey, calm down boys." Jiraiya said as he watched the scene unfold. "Asuma, why don't you go wash yourself off and then set up camp. Kakashi I want to talk to you."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"How've you been feeling?" Jiraiya asked.

"Okay," was Kakashi's simple reply.

"Anything on your mind you wanna talk about?"

"Not really."

Jiraiya knew that the boy wasn't going to open up to him quickly or at all for that matter. He figured he'd let the silence last until Kakashi wanted to break it.

Surprisingly, he did.

"It's just," Kakashi hesitated "what if I can't control it? What if I hurt someone? You, Asuma, the village. I just…….I can't—"

"Kakashi, you're not going to hurt any—"

"You don't know that!" Kakashi cut him off.

The two stayed in silence. Jiraiya sighed and stood up.

"I'll come and get you when camp is set up, don't go anywhere." He said and left Kakashi to ponder by himself. About ten minutes passed before Kakashi decided to take a walk, something Jiraiya didn't want him to do.

"Tch, he doesn't know anything about this!" he said angrily as he started to walk off, but then, something stopped him. Not a voice, not a sound.

But a feeling.

A feeling of being watched.

A feeling that chills you to the bone and sends a shiver down your spine.

Then he heard it.

A voice that he hoped to never hear again.

A voice that haunted him in his nightmares.

A voice, that broke him.

"You seem well, Kakashi," a snake-like voice said.

Kakashi didn't need to turn around; he didn't even have the chance to. He was pushed roughly to the ground, the snake bastard on top of him. He couldn't even scream, he couldn't even cry for help that was only a few feet away.

"Shall we have another go?"

"_No, this can't be happening please no!" _

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A bloodcurdling scream was heard throughout the forest gaining Jiraiya and Asuma's attention.

"Kakashi!" Asuma said as they dropped what they were doing and ran in the direction where Jiraiya had left Kakashi. They found Kakashi on the ground with his eyes tightly shut, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. Asuma felt onto his knees besides him.

"Kakashi! Kakashi! Wake up!" he said as he tried to still Kakashi's shaking body. A few seconds passed, filled with name calling and shaking, Kakashi soon opened his eyes.

Asuma sighed in relief, "Man, I thought you'd nev--" but he stopped. He was seeing something he never saw before.

Kakashi was crying.

"Kaka—"

"Don't let him get me," Kakashi said in a small voice. He grabbed Asuma's shirt and buried his face in it. "Please, don't let him get me."

Asuma, still shocked, said in a whispered tone, "Who?"

Kakashi was hesitant before he mumbled a name.

"Orochimaru"

Asuma's eyes narrowed at the name. He wrapped his arms around Kakashi and rocked the poor boy.

"What do we do?" he asked as he looked up at Jiraiya.

"He's in worse condition then I thought. I knew he was having nightmares, but they're getting out of hand. We have to go back to the village."

Asuma nodded, his hold around Kakashi tightening.

Then and there he made two final decisions.

One, he wasn't leaving Kakashi's side until he was sure the boy was 100% again and second, if he ever got the chance, he was going to kill that fucking snake bastard Orochimaru.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1) I was gonna end it when Orochimaru appeared, but then I was like nah that's kind of an evil place to end it, so you guys got lucky.

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

2) this is becoming M rated now for cursing and MAYBE (not definite) a descriptive scene of some rape. But THIS IS NOT A YAOI!!!! It's just yaoi rape, unless you guys want an KakashixAsuma.

I AM SETTING UP A POLL! CLICK MY NAME!

Because this poll kind of is like the faith of which way this story decides to go. But unless someone reading this REALLY hates yaoi I won't put any because I don't want to lose any readers because of that. (Others wise it's just going to be strong brother bond)

SO SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!

And anonymous reviews are allowed, so say this turns yaoi and I get an anonymous person all annoyed and shit, that's your own fault.

PLEASE VOTE! And if you're lazy (like me! Lol) please leave your answer in a review just put it like this:

Yaoi=NO! or Yaoi=YES!

Please, and Thank you


	5. I'll Be There

**I'll Be There**

Asuma sat on the edge and watched as Kakashi slept peacefully in his bed. It was a rare sight, for most of the time he was either covered in sweat or moving constantly. Asuma ran his hand through Kakashi's hair and smiled.

"Creep," Asuma heard in a quiet voice. He looked around the apartment then back at Kakashi who he saw looking up at him. Asuma blushed and pulled his hand away. Kakashi smiled and grabbed his hand.

"I just called you a creep, I didn't say stop," he held onto Asuma's hand, his grip tightening a little. Asuma watched Kakashi. He slowly leaned into Kakashi. Kakashi, seeing his action, began to inch towards Asuma, their lips just inches apart, but Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut and turned away.

"I'm sorry," he said as a tear fell down his cheek.

"No, it's okay, I understand," Asuma said as he cupped Kakashi's cheek in his hand and whipped the tear away. "Just know I'll always be here for you." Kakashi smiled through the tears and let out a small laugh.

Asuma smiled. "What?"

"What are you gonna tell the lady who's "waiting for you at home"?"

"Oh shut up, you know I was lying," Asuma said as he slide under the covers, wrapping Kakashi in his arms. "Now go back to sleep, you need it."

Kakashi closed his eyes and breathed in Asuma's scent, of course there was a trace of smoke, but that was part of Asuma, and Kakashi loved it either way. Asuma felt Kakashi's body relax and his breathing become even. He squeezed him as he felt himself drift into sleep.

"I'll protect you," he whispered as he fell asleep.

Kakashi woke up and moaned as the sun stung his eyes and pulled the pillow over his head.

"Wait a minute," he said to himself as he sat up slowly. Memories from last night came back and he smiled. He stood up and walked to the kitchen and leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

"So it wasn't a dream," he said. Asuma looked up from the scroll he was reading.

"And is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Kakashi smiled and turned away.

Asuma smiled too.

***#*#*#*#*#*#*#***

Asuma and Kakashi sat under a tree in the training grounds.

"So, what exactly are we doing?" Kakashi asked as he pulled at the grass. "I never was with anyone before...let alone a guy." Asuma wrapped his arm around Kakashi's shoulders.

"We're dating and you don't have to do anything but be yourself," he said. Asuma saw the blush on Kakashi's cheeks. He turned to Asuma a looked him in the eyes. They began to inch closer to each other and this time Kakashi didn't shy away.

Kakashi had never experienced something like this. For once in his life he felt like nothing else mattered in the world. All his pain, all his suffering just disappeared. The only thing that mattered right now was him and Asuma. Nothing else. He loved this feeling.

That's why he was so disappointed when it went away.

***#*#*#*#*#*#*#***

For the next few days Kakashi and Asuma spent them together. Either relaxing together in the forest where they can be alone or over at one's place.

And not once had the curse mark hurt.

**I know this is short but I wanted to update to let you guys know it was still alive. **

**So sorry for the long wait! **


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